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Are you in love with a great person, but can’t help wanting to get out? As sweet as being in love can be, sometimes it leaves a sick taste in the mouth. I want to be single again and I know what I want. But do you? By Morgan Miller
For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been in love.
I’m happy in love, and have always been happy knowing I’ve got someone special who wants me and wants to be with me.
But all of a sudden, I want to be single again. And I want it bad!
I had my first boyfriend when I hit puberty, and I’ve been in just four relationships in almost two decades.
And surprisingly, I’ve never been able to spare more than a couple of months of being single in between all the loving.
I’ve never really experienced being single, ever!
I’ve never had a problem being in love. In fact, I’ve always cherished it. My girlfriends envied me because I always got the nicest guys. And my relationships always lasted a long while and ended because of unavoidable circumstances.
I’m almost thirty and in love with a great guy for the last seven years. We’ve been living together for the last five years, and I couldn’t ask for more. Ahem… until recently.
Ever heard that line, weddings make people feel more romantic?
I was at a good friend’s wedding recently with my girlfriends, and I remember looking up at the bride and groom. They were a sparkly couple and it seemed nice.
I sat back, enjoying the balmy breeze under the open sky and tried to imagine my boyfriend and me at the altar. And as shocking as it seemed, I couldn’t visualize us together. And the harder I tried, the more it disturbed me. I lost that thought over the next few hours though, and my friends and I decided to go clubbing. We were out of town and our boyfriends weren’t accompanying us, which was enough of a reason for binge drinking and having fun with the girls.
Cut a long and confusing story short, I met a lot of guys who were interested in me, danced with a few, batted my eyelids at a few others and had the time of my life.
It’s been six months since that eventful day and ever since, I couldn’t help but wonder what if…?
It’s a terrible thing to wonder, especially when you’ve got a loving, confused boyfriend who’s trying to figure out what’s happening to his girlfriend. The guy I was dating was perfect for me. He loved me, understood me and definitely made me a better person. But I just wasn’t happy anymore, and it wasn’t his fault.
I was just sick of always having to think about another person no matter what decision I took. I was annoyed with the lack of privacy. I could never really be alone and enjoy my space. We knew each other’s social network passwords. All our friends treated us like we were a married couple. And for crying out loud, he wanted to get married when we both hit thirty!
I felt claustrophobic and just wanted to escape, and be free. Yeah, it sounds bitchy and mean, but you know, the heart wants what the heart wants. I knew I wanted to be single again.
If I have to give any credit to science, humans have evolved to mate and procreate, not settle down with one person and live the rest of your life wondering ‘what if…’
I ended my relationship with my shocked boyfriend citing “it’s not you, it’s me…” and a few million other reasons including the awkward one, I want to be single again. Gosh, I know, I feel awful about it!
Perhaps I was having my own quarter life crisis. I wanted to experience being single, because I really had never been single all through my teenage years and adult life. And I just wasn’t ready to settle down to a married life without ever having fun as a single girl. I wanted to meet guys, flirt with any guy I liked without having to think twice or feel guilty. And I wanted to have s*x… glorious s*x with whomever I wanted!
After breaking up with my boyfriend, I felt free. But then again, I wondered if I wanted to be single because I didn’t have any flirty fun with other men, or was it because I was stuck in a relationship that just wasn’t progressing and evolving. I guess it’s one of those things we’ll never know.
A few months have passed ever since my metamorphosis into the single life, and ungracefully, I have to admit that I’m having the best time of my life. I’ve been meeting new guys all the time, and I love the attention I get. It’s especially exciting to be wooed by a new guy almost every other day.
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